Run to the beat half marathon

Possibly the hardest thing I've ever done.

I am so happy I have done this for myself. I never thought I'd be proud in my physical abilities but today I'm proud of both my fitness and determination.

I remember a friend running the Sheffield half marathon when we were at uni and I thought "that is something I will never do". I hadn't run a single step in my life. I was overweight and lived my third year between soaring highs and horrible lows of emotion, making me comfort eat which, on top of the stereotypical student drinking, meant I was overweight and completely unfit.

I am still overweight, but today I had enough fitness to get myself around a 13.1 course and with a respectable time. I can't express what it means to me when I look back at that frustrated and unhappy third year student, or even to the girl who did my masters course. I really feel running has brought me a strength and confidence that I never had before, it's had a therapeutic value beyond measure - I original thought when I finished this race I would feel like "Ha! Take that haters!" but I find I simply don't care anymore. I've run over and passed everyone who ever told me I was fat, everyone who took the piss when I couldn't physically achieve something. And now I only have a deep sense of pride and contentment in myself.

It only took me 2 hours 33 minutes to gain a lifetime's worth of self-belief.

Ran 9 miles

Now my legs hurt.

Why not 10?

Because there are blood blisters EVERYWHERE. Literally covering my entire body.

Ok so there is one on either foot.

Thanks new trainers that cost me £90, thanks a lot.

P.s. I did not stuff my face with scones today so today was actually a good day and I'm happy apart from the gross blisters. So gross (never had blood blisters before these shoes).

No 10 miles today

Bit annoyed because today was going to be *the day* and now tomorrow will have to be *the day*. Various events conspired to stopping me from running, including the fact it got dark and cold and after leaving a warm pub and by colleagues having drinks I couldn't convince myself to run more than 3 miles.

*sigh*

Anyway. Today's Monday weigh in is 189lbs.

And this week's rainbow plan looks like this:

Monday - 2 miles run (walk 2 miles home because I've forgotten oyster card, great)

Tuesday - 10 miles

Wednesday - rest 

Thursday - 5 miles

Friday - rest (I'm counting money for a work event)

Saturday - rest or cross

Sunday - 10 miles...one week to HALF MARATHON

Wardrobe clear out

I recently had to dress smartly for a serious meeting day we had at work and came to the conclusion...I can't.

This wasn't just a reflection of my discomfort in wearing "smart" clothes (I've always worked in casual offices) but due to the fact I've actually lost a stone/14lbs since I started this job and the smart clothes I bought when I was doing the interview rounds last year simply look baggy and so not particularly flattering. I eventually had to wear a smart black dress with a safety pin in the back to make it look reasonably fitted!

So today I'm having a clear out. And WOW do I have a lot of clothes to get rid of. And although half of me is happy how far I've come and the fact I've shrunk out of these clothes the other half is a bit like "erm...I have no clothes!".

The thing is I'm kind of in-between sizes and don't want to do a big shop until I've definitely gone down another size. At the moment I'm a size 16/14 on top and a 18/16 on bottom, I have no idea where I'll be eventually but being a definite 14 and 16 for now would be nice. Maybe I'll end up a 12 and 14 but that would be the "dream" situation, also fitting any trousers in Topshop's "tall" section (because you're not allowed to be both tall and fat in Topshop) would be cool.

So for now I'm going to leave off shopping til I've shrunk further and Ebay/chairty shops here I come!

Would you get a few items at an "in-between" weight or wait until you've lost some more?

I love London (sometimes)

I was thinking about not getting my five miles in today. Stomach still hurt from yesterday, blister hadn't gone down completely, but I knew I had to run so I did what I always do when I'm in that mood.

I put on my running clothes.

Because once the clothes and trainers are on you're basically so plagued with guilt that you have to leave the house...well, that's what I find.

And I am SO glad I went out. The Southbank put on its best face - glorious landmarks, happy friends and tourists wondering about, the air filled with buskers' songs and the crisp chill of Autumn. The five sub-10 minute miles! (miracle!)

a rubbish shot of a bridge, it's really all like BAM! I'M A BEAUTIFUL LANDMARK

Until recently I was having a bad patch with London, we weren't really speaking. I was beating up it's streets and London was steadfastly ignoring my efforts.

I think I didn't want to accept that it was autumn when there hadn't been a proper glorious London summer. And on top of that feeling, my brain recently acknowledged that the summer where I met an American boy, and the summer when he left town, was over. I can't say I was madly in love or he was "the one" or any of that crap but he made me laugh, and also made me think. He was just one of those special people that maybe it's only better to know for a short time so they always remain unique and amazing in your mind.

But I feel with Autumn properly making its mark now, London has returned to being my London, and not the slightly whirlwind London that I shared with him for a bit. And I always did like my London.

Yep I definitely did run nine miles

And even dailymile thinks I'm wicked cool.

even though I didn't log one training run

And the running has evened out my cake eating habits last week so my current weight is 189.8lbs

Unfortunately today the gods have decided to punish me for trying to have a vegan week to make up for eating crap last week (or maybe I just didn't cook some beans well enough...) and I'm stuck at my home with my stomach sounding and feeling a bit like a full percussion section gone mental (I keep thinking of Holst's Mars). This has happened before with bean burgers, I thought I would be ok this time with a new recipe, but I've learned my lesson, no more homemade bean burgers ever again, bleurgh.

I'd love to move on to a more positive note now but actually I'm going to complain about my blisters and left knee pain...I have them. Maybe new trainers weren't broken in enough to handle nine miles? Anyway I've shuffled round my exercise this week to give my feet and knee a day of less resistance. So this weeks rainbow plan looks a bit like this:

Monday - rest day

Tuesday - aqua aerobics (I'll reassess whether my stomach feels up to this later)

Wednesday - Street Dance + 5 mile run (again I might leave out the street dance depending on stomach)

Thursday - rest 

Friday - 5 mile run

Saturday - some form of cross training

Sunday - 10 mile run - prepare for an "omg I ran 10 miles post" ;)

New name

I stumbled upon a new running blog today, and although my first thought was "oh, handy blister advice from a runner", my second was "great name". 

The thing I've realised about some of my favourite blogs (see list to the right) is that their name immediately tells you what they're about. 

And so I had this vision of people coming to my blog (it could happen...I'll pretend it could happen) and thinking "erm, why is she calling herself a goat?". Which is kind of fair enough when there is no me there to say "it's my surname, no really".

I also always wanted this blog to look at something that drained my confidence throughout my teenage years and, if I'm honest, something that I used my weight to mask - my height.

It's that feeling of being "big" that I really want to tackle. That feeling of "I could lose all the weight in the world and I'll still take up too much space" that I carried with me until a few years ago, a feeling that still bubbles up when I least expect it.

So goodbye to Run Goat Run, and hello to the longer and leaner Lofty Loper.

I ran nine miles

I did! I really did! So I'm just taking my time this afternoon thinking about that and feeling positive about donning this t-shirt in three weeks...

erm, not sure I can pull this colour off!

A great end for a great weekend involving...

the coolest cake I've ever made (didn't win the work bake-off though, poo)

p p p poker face p p poker face (with London's worst poker players AKA my awesome friends)

The dangers of the work kitchen

My diet is being ruined by snacking on this lot:

macaroons, mini chocolate rolls, hob nobs, fizzy rosé wine

Ok so I didn't go overboard on the rosé (half a glass) but seriously, this wasn't even everything we had in the kitchen - a 'well done' for a big event we had on Monday night.

I did however try to counter all this with a few of these:

strawbs

And a street dance class tonight.

But now on to cake baking to (hopefully) win our work bake off...

New shoes and the treadmill

So I've recovered from my disappointing race and realised it wasn't so disappointing because it's still a personal best at 1:04:46. (I reckon I could have made it at least 1:02:00 without toilet urges but oh well).

Before my race on Sunday I set out to replace my 2.5 year old, seven 10k running asics, which I (shock, horror!) bought on ebay for £25.

old friends

False assumptions I made before buying shoes last time:

- no one makes shoes in size 9 - not true of running shoes apparently (though still true of most pretty shoes :( )

- people in running shops will somehow mock me for not being a skinny runner

- people in running shops will mock me for not being a "proper" runner ("only" training for a half)

new beauties with my 10k medal